My Guardian Angel & My Guiding Force

-By Sai Sivaranjani Naidu

“My mother is a darling and dear lady loved by all. People are in praise of her kindness. I don’t know what to speak. About which incident or memory do I have to speak about? There aren’t one or two beautiful memories, but thousands and thousands! How and with what do I start with? 

I feel she is still there with me. Amma and I were very attached and we did everything together. My mother played the role of a mom and dad to me. My father and I of course love each other, but Amma took care of me from his side too. Be it, about school/college. We had literally super fun and entertainment. She was my mother, but I swear she behaved like someone who was much younger than me. Actually true! She jumped around, made weird and funny faces, played games with me, imitated people and chatted non-stop. We were always ‘blah-blah-blah’ persons. 

She is a lady that nobody else can be or even try to be. Winner of many awards like Padma Shri and Nritya Choodamani, she was the same wonderful and down-to-earth human being after all these prestigious awards. Usually, after receiving many awards people get an attitude, but the number of awards increased her sweetness and positive attitude. Being a guru, she thought twice to scold her students. But when she scolded, she felt very bad, actually more than the student.

Also, she never collected fees from students who had difficulty in paying. She taught them free. When we went out for family lunch/dinner, she asked those students to accompany us who could not afford fancy restaurants. She just wanted to see them happy. She always arranged lunch for all of us during long-day rehearsal sessions. When there was a rehearsal session from morning to evening, after the morning session rehearsal, she arranged lunch and then would leave us all to relax or play games outside. We played Kho-Kho, Kabaddi, Dumb-charades, many, many more… and we would resume our session around 4pm. She felt we were tired and then would bring us all some snacks and juices/drinks for all the students. She just wanted all of us to be happy and active. 

Mother never taught me secretly at home. Even when I asked her to teach me some golden compositions of hers, she always said, “No, learn those items when I teach everybody in class”. Amma never treated me like a special student or daughter in class. I was treated just like others. She never showed difference in giving me characters/roles. She would give an opportunity to everybody because she says, giving opportunity will help them showcase their talent and build confidence.

GOLDEN HEART: I Love you Amma and I Miss You! She is my Guardian Angel and my Guiding Force. Whatever I am today, is only because of you and I know you will always be guiding me from Heaven. It has been exactly one year since I have lost you, but loss has taught me many things and now, I face each day with hope and happy memories to help me on my way. Though I am full of sadness that you are no longer here, your influence still guides me and I still feel you nearby. Each second which I had spent under your shade, was the biggest blessing of my life.

Wherever I go and whatever I do, I just see your reflection in everything. Whatever you left incomplete, I will finish that for you. I will take your Legacy to Greater Heights. Your death took a huge toll on my life. I am still in deep trauma and I don’t know how long I am going to be in this state.”